Angie & Jim

Every Word is a Giftby Jim

Today was another quiet day.  This morning we read scriptures with Mom, which I know she appreciated.  Afterwards, I fed her some applesauce, which she was thoroughly enjoying, and she actually said (with unusual clarity), “that tastes really good.”  Her words are usually difficult to understand and I can tell it takes her effort to say them.  A few times today she tried to say something, but all we could hear was muttering.

We watched our daily routine of YouTube favorites, which Mom always enjoys.  (One blessing of losing your short-term memory is the same stuff doesn’t get old!)  It is so good to see her smile and hear her laugh.  What a blessing it is that we can still brighten her day and that she is peaceful and comfortable enough to enjoy a little humor.

Later this morning I sat with Mom and told her stories from our childhood and others from more recent years.  I told her about our infamous camping trip to Hawai’i, our visit to the Tillamook Cheese Factory, trips to Disney World and Universal Studios, and many others.  I talked about how she loves to explore in the tide pools and find all sorts of creatures during low tide.  I told her about the time raccoons ate all our food while Angie and I were camping with Joey and Kelly at Oswald West.  She seemed to really enjoy all of it because she was looking right at me and had a beautiful smile on her face.  It really was a very precious time for me to spend with her.  Jon also had a similar experience with relating tales from his recent trip to Thailand — Mom doesn’t speak much but you can tell when she’s able to pay attention to you and she’s attentively listening.

Something strange happened this afternoon while Mom was napping.  Angie and Jon were out running errands and Dad was in the other room.  I was quietly sitting watching Mom while she slept.  She took a deep breath, almost a yawn, and then reached her arms up past her head in a stretch.  Her movements lately have been very slow and quivering, but this was fast, just like a normal stretch.  In that brief moment, if I hadn’t known about her condition, I wouldn’t have thought anything was wrong.  I realized it must be an indication of what is going wrong in her brain.  Her body is still quite functional, but her mind is progressively disconnecting from her ability to control her body.

This afternoon we got a visit from the local bishop and John, Mom & Dad’s home teacher.  John is a contractor by trade and spent time here several weeks ago installing railings and other safety features as Mom’s health declined.  The two of them stopped by to chat and thank Mom for the wonderful work she’s done in this ward, and especially in the scouting program.  They were so gracious and loving in their words of comfort.  It was neat to see how much they appreciate her.  It is a treat to see people I don’t even know caring so sincerely for my mom.

Tonight Mom wanted to go to bed a bit earlier, so we had more time for singing, which was great.  We were a little braver about trying to sing parts instead of just unison.  I kept asking Mom if we should keep singing and she kept nodding, so it must not have been that bad.  We got off topic a bit about how our family enjoyed making up silly lyrics to hymns or other tunes, and we tried to sing the Dehydrated Carrots song.  (Do any of you older kids remember the words to that one?) That got Mom giggling — she must have remembered it.  My favorite part of the day is singing to Mom at night.  Thank you, Rebecca, for starting that tradition when you came to visit last week.

The sweetest moment of the day was when I asked mom if she had liked our singing and she quietly said, “Yes, I love it.”  As we left the room, Jon put it best by saying that “every word Mom says now is a gift.”  Every smile, every chuckle, every word is a gift.

The Next Phaseby Jim

We’re getting to a more difficult part in Mom’s care. It seems that more often than not, we can’t understand Mom’s responses. We know she is still conscious and has wants, but she is having a very difficult time expressing them. Eating is also difficult because it exhausts her, and if we take a break, she doesn’t get much to eat. The same goes for drinking: we can tell she is thirsty, but when she drinks too quickly or too much, she coughs a lot. Her coughs are getting weaker and we’re all a little worried.

In spite of these difficulties, we are still able to make her smile during the day. This morning, we had our usual routine of “Smiles for Life” followed by “Dana’s Dead” and “Shooting Booth”. Those got her to smile and laugh. The pictures I’ll attach are while she was watching those this morning (and again this evening). It is so good to hear her laugh and see her smile, and since she can’t remember having watched them earlier in the day, we don’t mind seeing them multiple times a day.

We ordered a hospital bed for her and have it set up in the living room. It is more convenient because we can sit and face her more easily for feeding and communicating. We had to do a little rearranging of the furniture, but we’ve managed to get things configured nicely. Mom finished watching Anne of Avonlea, Born Free, and then Tangled tonight. We can tell she really enjoys watching her favorites. I’m glad we all have such similar taste in entertainment 😉

(Jon’s addition:) Mom is speaking less, but she repeated a few things back today when prompted. We had some potato soup today, which I was describing to her (with cheddar cheese and bacon bits), and mom said “Yum!” Later when I asked her if she’d prefer some more “chocolate milk” (actually Boost) or more potato soup she responded with “more potato soup.” Seems small, but since she’s saying so little it’s still nice to hear her talking. I also asked her today if she knew who I was and she said “Jon”, so I know she still recognizes us and knows what is going on around her, although there are more times now when we ask her questions and she seems unable to respond. (End of Jon’s addition)

We really got her to laugh tonight as we were singing to her. We decided to sing to her in the living room before taking her back to the bedroom. We had been singing a few songs and we got to the hymn, “Secret Prayer”. None of us were super familiar with it, but it has such a fun tune that we sang it with gusto. When we got to the chorus after the 2nd verse, I thought I would try the tenor part (which has a different rhythm from the melody), but I totally lost the notes and we stumbled for a couple lines and it sounded so bad that we all busted up laughing. It got a good chuckle out of Mom, too, which was hilarious. It was really fun to all laugh together. It took us a minute or two to regain our composure and then we all decided who was going to sing what and we finished the song. We sang a few more and then put her to bed. I recorded one of the songs, but it was a little dark, sorry. You may not be able to see it, but Mom was mouthing some of the words with us, especially on the first verse.

Thanks for reading and thank you for your love and support.

A Dip in the Poolby Jim

I actually wanted to start before 3 PM where Angie left off.  Something very cute happened this morning after breakfast.  Jon and I had just laid Mom down on the couch for a rest (breakfast is pretty exhausting) when Jon grabbed a pillow and said, “Pillow fight!”  Then he very gently “hit” Mom in the stomach with it.  That got Mom to giggle.  He then touched the pillow to her face, which made her laugh even more.

Another sweet moment happened while Mom was resting.  Sometimes when she lies down for a nap it’s difficult for her to relax and close her eyes, even though she’s tired.  We turned on some of her favorite music and and “How Firm a Foundation” from Roger Hoffman’s album came on.  Jon started quietly singing to Mom along with it and to his surprise she began singing as well.  She struggled to form the words and to voice similar notes and rhythm.  Many would not consider it much but in her state it is a precious exertion that she is willing to expend for the hymns she loves so much.

After Mom’s short rest, we put on some YouTube and showed Mom her favorite music video, “Smiles for Life”, by Alex Boye and then one of her favorite Studio C sketches, “Dana’s Dead”.  We had an incident last night where Mom coughed and sputtered a bit while we were getting her water before bed.  It got Dad a little wet, and afterward Mom thought it was pretty funny.  It reminded Dad of “Dana’s Dead” — that really gets her laughing, which is why we watched it today.  You’ll understand when you watch it.  I’ll include a link below.  As she usually does, Mom loved it and laughed out loud as we watched.  The picture of her on the couch with a huge smile is while we were watching it.

After Mom’s sit in the sun, Carol noticed that she was pretty warm.  Angie went to help change her into something cooler and jokingly suggested that Mom go for a swim in their little indoor pool.  Much to Angie’s surprise, Mom’s eyes lit up and she nodded and it was clear she wanted to.  A couple days ago we suggested it, but she was scared to try — but not today.  So, they put her in her swimsuit and we brought her to the pool.  It took all of us helping to get her into the water safely, but once she was in, she loved it.  I think it really helped to loosen her up.  Her arms and legs tend to get stiff during the day and floating in the pool seemed to be relaxing for her.

This evening Mom smiled and laughed along with Jon as they watched Anne of Avonlea.  (Yesterday they watched Anne of Green Gables.)  It really is the perfect thing to watch with Mom right now.  It’s such good wholesome entertainment and an old family favorite.  Since we’ve seen it so many times, it is easy for Mom to follow along and she seems to really enjoy it.

We ended the day again singing Mom to sleep — or at least, singing before she went to sleep.  I think she likes staying awake to listen to us, so we have to stop so we don’t keep her up too late.  We always either start and/or end with the Family Prayer Song Joseph wrote a few years ago that she loves so much.

Thank you all for your love and prayers and support.

Smiles for Life: http://youtu.be/Zz3ZbP0IF7A
Dana’s Dead: http://youtu.be/5BxyeGdCyD4

The Master Editorby Jim

We had an interesting chat over lunch yesterday that I wanted to share: we started talking about seeing our lives after we die.  Dad told Carol that in most recorded near-death experiences the individual usually sees their own life play back.  Jon started talking about how interesting it would be to watch a playback of our life.  Not so much from a near-death experience perspective, all in a flash, but just if someone could put together a movie of our life.  He supposed that you could make someone look like a real jerk or a saint just by how you choose to “edit” their “footage.”  We started talking about how our own memories are somewhat selective and that a movie (edited by someone else) could be very eye opening to someone about themselves.  Carol then suggested that the Atonement takes out the bad parts.  I said that makes the Savior the best editor for our life movies, and that the Atonement is what makes it possible.  We all agreed that Mom’s movie would be the longest of all of ours, having the fewest parts removed.

A Quiet Sabbathby Jim

Today was a nice quiet sabbath.  This morning Mom was sitting on the couch with her eyes closed and Dad and Jon were having a conversation about parenting.  Both of them thought Mom was asleep, but at one point in the conversation, when Dad said something about some particular point of parenting, Mom emphatically nodded her head in agreement.  Never underestimate the attentiveness of a mother.

After lunch, Mom had a nice long nap on the couch.  She was really sleepy at lunch, so it didn’t surprise us much that she slept for a couple of hours.  She seems to be sleeping more lately.  Mom woke up rather suddenly (on her own) and gave Angie a smile, who had just looked over at her.  We sat her up and sang a sacrament hymn and then administered the sacrament.  Afterwards, we sang a few more of Mom’s favorite hymns (she likes them all, so we can sing just about anything we know and it is one of her favorites).  After the singing, we took Mom out to the backyard to sit in the sunny, beautiful 71° weather.  There was a slight breeze which felt heavenly.  I read a bit to Mom from the book she made for us a couple years ago.  What a great testament of her love to her family is contained in that book.

For dinner, Angie roasted a delicious lamb that she found in the freezer.  When Angie first suggested it to Dad, he said he loved the idea, but only if we “had a full jar of mint jelly on hand.”  They had to dig around a bit, but huzzah, we found one!  She also made mashed potatoes and Mom’s glazed carrots.  Yum.

After dinner, we watched a documentary on the Polynesian Cultural Center that aired on BYU TV back in 2005.  It’s really neat, so if you’ve got some time, you ought to watch it.  Mom has always had a very special place in her heart for Hawai’i.  Before bed, Mom got a massage from Aunt Carol and then we tucked her in and sang to her for about half an hour.  Dad joined us and we all knelt and said a family prayer before saying goodnight to Mom.

I’d like to share a thought I had last week as we flew into Atlanta.  Each day Mom gets a little worse.  She’ll speak less, or eat more slowly, or be less responsive.  I knew it would be like this before coming out here to help, and it scared me to have to face that every day.  But then I had a Pres. Uchtdorf moment and I thought of an airplane analogy.  I thought that this experience is like trying to land a plane.  There are certain things you have to do to land a plane safely like slowing down and lowering the flaps and the landing gear.  Our job right now is to help Mom be as comfortable as possible and surround her with love and support so she can come in and land smoothly.  Thinking about that has given me strength during these last several days.

BYU TV special on the PCC: Beyond the Dream

Yes/No Boardby Jim

I wanted to share a funny story from yesterday.  While we were sitting out on the back porch, Kay had a great idea: since Mom has a hard time speaking, especially when she’s tired, we made her a little board she can use to point to her answer of Yes or No.  I quickly made her this board and brought it out to test it with her.  Angie asked the sample question: “Do you know this guy sitting next to you?”  Referring to Dad, who was on her left.  Mom got a great big grin on her face and pointed to the No side.  That got a good laugh out of all of us outside with her.  Then as a follow-up question, Angie asked, “Do you like this guy next to you?”  And still smiling, she pointed to Yes.

Most of the time Mom is able to say a word or two when we ask her a question, but sometimes she just can’t vocalize, so the Yes/No board had been quite useful.

Mom’s Yes/No Board