Angie & Jim

“What is normal?”by Angie

Today my mom goes home, and I have to take another step into whatever-normal-life-means. The moment she found out, she jumped on a plane and came. She hung out at the hospital, fed our cats, and once I was home she watched movies with me, got me playing games to get my brain active, cleaned my house, and drove me around to do errands and shopping. I know it was hard for my sisters to have her go away, so I am also grateful to them for supporting her in it.

The weird thing is, I’m kind of fine. At least, my deficits are indistinct and you probably won’t notice much different. Slight motor impairment on my left. A little difficulty typing and writing. The biggest difference is probably that finding words can be hard, so maybe I don’t talk quite as much. We’re not sure yet about me driving (the doctors didn’t give a specific time), but luckily that can wait. I have a follow-up with Dr. Lui, my cardiologist, on Monday and Jim wants to come with me to that anyway.

Every once in a while I have what they call “recrudescence.” It means that I have a recurrence of more distinct, problematic issues or symptoms. Yesterday, I suddenly thought that maybe I was walking funny. I couldn’t figure out why, or what exactly was wrong, or even for sure IF something was wrong. My leg sort of felt like when it’s gone to sleep – not the pins and needles, but the fact that it can’t hold you up quite right. Just as I was deciding that something was for sure wrong, it was gone. My leg felt totally normal. My walking felt totally normal. It was so strange. This recrudescence seems more significant when I’m tired. A few days ago, I was getting ready for bed and I sort of wound down and stopped and was staring at nothing. Jim asked what was the matter and I said I wasn’t sure what a normal person would do right then. I only vaguely remember it. Things like that happen.

But overall, I am fine. If my biggest challenge is that it took half an hour rather than 10 minutes to type this post, I can be very grateful for that. I am also grateful to have such such a wide and strong support network. You are all part of that, and your prayers, offers of help, and words of encouragement are a great comfort to us both. Thank you.